A continuation of poems I wrote as I searched, and eventually found, God...part two of, well, I guess we will see...

...God, this is hard...part of me wants to give up...but the other part is just getting started...

I Wash My Hands

Can’t force what isn’t there anymore,
Can’t glue the pieces that shattered on the floor
There still will be gaps between the facts,
Still will be the soul that lacks
It’s not new anymore,
It takes work to keep it pure
Takes more than one to handle the chore,
Can’t take it anymore
I don’t like to give things up,
But in the end, it’s too much
Too much at stake for me to take,
Will not let my self worth be on your plate
Have to live for me, and you live for you
I have better things to do,
And though that might be selfish
It’s not a sin to take care of oneself,
As God as my witness,
I take the stand,
Declare my independence,
And raise my hands
Wash them clean of you and me,
That’s just the way it must be…

Flicker

The sting of the fire,
Traced back to you and the match
I am not a liar,
So forgive me for that
I will not say what you want me too,
Just to fill that void in you
Let the flames you lit dance around me,
My pride is on the inside,
So stop wasting your time
I will burn knowing I was true,
But can you live to face the truth?
I may have loved you, for sure
But I’m sorry I had to close the door
It let in a draft that chilled my bones,
It was only time before I could let go
And you can try to open it,
But I’ll be on the other side, holding it
The flames flicker with distress,
But the weight has lifted from my chest
The sting of the fire,
Traced back to you and the match
I am not a liar,
So forgive me for that…

My Cleansing

I close my eyes and put my head under water,
The cleansing has begun,
Wash away the guilt as a daughter
Forgive myself as a lover
Take care of my sisters and my brother,
Open my heart so I can love another
Take care of myself before everyone else,
And above all,
Stop the obsession with wealth
Keep my eyes on the sky,
Steady myself before life passes by
Seek the faith and hold it with my all,
Try to help my friends before they fall
Know I am only one person,
I can’t possibly do everything
But dream the dreams that need to be,
And be the person that is me…

Mended

Transformation like water into condensation,
The restoration of the broken pages
My leaves are changing,
The darkness is fading
Sunrays shine down waiting,
Ready for me to indulge in it
One less thing off my list
The broken road is fixed to the bliss,
Cherish it like a first kiss
If I had one wish,
I wouldn’t use it
I’d keep it locked away,
Until one of those rare rainy days…

Deadman’s Avenue

A hand rises above the dingy dirt,
Through the coldness of the dark earth
Everyone thought she was laid to rest,
But little did they know...it’s a rebirth
Fingers claw for a hold on the ground,
Lifting herself out of the mound
She shakes off the dirty dust,
That cakes her skin and her lust
Long hair hanging down her face,
As she sits near her final place
There was much to contemplate
The grim in her fingernails,
Doesn’t even touch the tip of her tales
They had buried her in the prom dress,
Which must be significant, she guessed
Every shovel full they dumped,
Smothered the memories she loved
And as she now looked above,
It seemed as though the moon was smirking
Happy to see a familiar friend,
To see that she was still lurking
It was like walking for the first time again,
As she stood up on her own two feet
Brushing out the wrinkles in defeat,
The girl walked on, laughing down the street
And left behind who she used to be…