A Message I Have To Say...

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written...

Where to begin...*deep breath*...okay, here goes...

This past month I have been feeling so strongly that the Lord has a call on my life. Not just that...he has been putting into my heart specific areas that he wants my heart to focus on. I believe I had mentioned something like this before, but this time I cannot shake this feeling. Everywhere I look or everything I read, my focus gets tuned into the message the Lord wants me to share. I have read about different ministers and churches sharing this message, but I have not seen it here in CT...yet. I am humbled by the fact that God is directing me with a passionate fire.

I want to write a book about it! I want to speak to young girls/ladies about it! I want to use every gift the Lord has blessed me with and every avenue possible.

Why do we put so much emphasis of keeping our physical bodies pure, and yet allow our emotions to be promiscuous? This is not an easy message to convey but it is necessary. And God wants me to use my personal experiences, my testimony to spread it!

I have been there...many times. Wondering why I was so empty inside when I was satisfied physically. I don't care if you were born into the church or not, real life happens sometimes.

What is Emotional Promiscuity? How does it effect today's culture, the youth of our churches, the next generation?
Well, if it wasn't for our emotions, I truly believe we all would be focusing more on the Lord and not on distractions from the world around us. The scripture says:

Proverbs 4:23 "Keep thy HEART with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

We have to be careful not to give our hearts away first! What we desire most is in there! Our hopes, our dreams...everything we want to accomplish in life! And yet, it seems to harmless to trade all of that for what we think is love...don't give in!

If you want to be rebellious, then rebel against the low standards and expectations that this world puts on you! You mean more than that, you are above that! Why? Because you are a child of God!

Our prize is not here on earth...it's not temporal! Do not focus on the cost, the price...focus on the eternal prize! I cannot tell you everything in this little facebook "note" how the Lord revealed himself to me while I was living in sin. But he is still there for you!
Make the choice to change today! Make the choice right now to choose the right one!

I'm just getting started...if your not sick of me yet, you will be, but I don't care! This is from the Lord, not me...but he is using my voice to speak his message and I will be sharing it in anyway that I can...

God bless...to be continued...Praise God <3

Time to go...

...What is this life about? What are we made to do? If God called you today to follow him, would you go? What do you have to lose? The bible says "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD, and lose his own soul?" God is calling you to follow him today...it is time to go...

A continuation of poems I wrote as I searched, and eventually found, God...part two of, well, I guess we will see...

...God, this is hard...part of me wants to give up...but the other part is just getting started...

I Wash My Hands

Can’t force what isn’t there anymore,
Can’t glue the pieces that shattered on the floor
There still will be gaps between the facts,
Still will be the soul that lacks
It’s not new anymore,
It takes work to keep it pure
Takes more than one to handle the chore,
Can’t take it anymore
I don’t like to give things up,
But in the end, it’s too much
Too much at stake for me to take,
Will not let my self worth be on your plate
Have to live for me, and you live for you
I have better things to do,
And though that might be selfish
It’s not a sin to take care of oneself,
As God as my witness,
I take the stand,
Declare my independence,
And raise my hands
Wash them clean of you and me,
That’s just the way it must be…

Flicker

The sting of the fire,
Traced back to you and the match
I am not a liar,
So forgive me for that
I will not say what you want me too,
Just to fill that void in you
Let the flames you lit dance around me,
My pride is on the inside,
So stop wasting your time
I will burn knowing I was true,
But can you live to face the truth?
I may have loved you, for sure
But I’m sorry I had to close the door
It let in a draft that chilled my bones,
It was only time before I could let go
And you can try to open it,
But I’ll be on the other side, holding it
The flames flicker with distress,
But the weight has lifted from my chest
The sting of the fire,
Traced back to you and the match
I am not a liar,
So forgive me for that…

My Cleansing

I close my eyes and put my head under water,
The cleansing has begun,
Wash away the guilt as a daughter
Forgive myself as a lover
Take care of my sisters and my brother,
Open my heart so I can love another
Take care of myself before everyone else,
And above all,
Stop the obsession with wealth
Keep my eyes on the sky,
Steady myself before life passes by
Seek the faith and hold it with my all,
Try to help my friends before they fall
Know I am only one person,
I can’t possibly do everything
But dream the dreams that need to be,
And be the person that is me…

Mended

Transformation like water into condensation,
The restoration of the broken pages
My leaves are changing,
The darkness is fading
Sunrays shine down waiting,
Ready for me to indulge in it
One less thing off my list
The broken road is fixed to the bliss,
Cherish it like a first kiss
If I had one wish,
I wouldn’t use it
I’d keep it locked away,
Until one of those rare rainy days…

Deadman’s Avenue

A hand rises above the dingy dirt,
Through the coldness of the dark earth
Everyone thought she was laid to rest,
But little did they know...it’s a rebirth
Fingers claw for a hold on the ground,
Lifting herself out of the mound
She shakes off the dirty dust,
That cakes her skin and her lust
Long hair hanging down her face,
As she sits near her final place
There was much to contemplate
The grim in her fingernails,
Doesn’t even touch the tip of her tales
They had buried her in the prom dress,
Which must be significant, she guessed
Every shovel full they dumped,
Smothered the memories she loved
And as she now looked above,
It seemed as though the moon was smirking
Happy to see a familiar friend,
To see that she was still lurking
It was like walking for the first time again,
As she stood up on her own two feet
Brushing out the wrinkles in defeat,
The girl walked on, laughing down the street
And left behind who she used to be…

* PoEtRy Of a TeStImOnY- Part One*

A compilation of poems written during my journey to know the Lord. God willing, I would love to write them all in a book someday...

~ As I came to know you better...my heart was left an open door...and then, you filled it~

* Broken *
My reflection winks at me with my own eyes,
I’ve always known I couldn’t tell myself lies
And for just a glimmer,
I think I can fight her
That girl staring back at me in the mirror,
But the water only washes away dirt,
Not guilt, not anger, not desire
So what am I to do,
When water doesn’t kill the fire?
The droplets dripping off the face of disgrace,
I need to get out of this place
My reflection reaches out to lock the door,
But in an instant, the mirror is shattered on the floor
Good, I couldn’t take her anymore
Though I should have gotten to know her well,
I leave, and step over the broken pieces of myself…

* Point Blank Range *
Pointed like a knife, Sharp and right
Who turned off the light?
Tossing during the quiet night,
Uneasy is blessed with a guilty conscience
Deep in the chest, of the innocent
Point blank range,
Corrupt and deranged
Need to start a new page
But their all full
Like a sheep with no wool
Out of water,
I guess I'm a fish
That doesn't mean I can't still wish
Curled up in a ball of love,
Praying to the one above
Feeling the familiarity
Notice the insecurity
Stab it in the center,
Then everything will be better...

* Sorrow For Supper *
Face down on the plate is a decision
Didn't like the taste of that last mistake,
So why incorporate it in the diet again?
Didn't feel good going through the system,
Need to digest this for a better reason
Swallow the hollowness,
Chew through the harsh bone of defeat
Take a deep breath...
This is going to be one heck of a feast

* Replay*
Young rebels,
Dropping like pebbles
Creating ripple,
To hide their troubles
Unconditional substances,
Causing them to rush in
And be swallowed by their sins
Lost in the cause,
Trying to put life on pause
But it's stuck on forward
Fast moving toward,
The end of it all
Hit rewind, to replay
How they fall...

* Dealer *
I've been dealt many hands,
As Jesus holds the deck
They fumble in my grasp,
Look at me, I'm a wreck
but I know this is good for me,
So I have no regret
Faith, check
I got that in my heart
May not seem like much,
But it's a start...

* Full Circle *
Sad to think,
When a baby is born,
How long will it be,
Before their life is torn?
Innocent eyes stare up for answers,
As we look down with more questions
Everyone is guessing,
But picture it as a blessing
Circle of circumstances,
Like a ballerina dancing
Tip toe back to the beginning,
Take a leap to the end,
Yet once again…

Stumblingblock or Stepping Stone?

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” Romans 14:13


It has been stressed enough in the teaching of the gospel that one should wait patiently upon the Lord, and it has been stressed enough in our preaching that one such thing to wait for is a spouse. But if you’re like the type of girl I was, I did not want to wait! That meant something that contradicted my own terms, not helped it! Oh, how wrong I was.
One of the definitions of the word wait means to “remain inactive, until something expectant happens.” That does not sound like fun to me! But this is not always the case. I really don’t think that definition is what the Lord means. How can we help the kingdom by being inactive?
What I believe He means is the other definition of wait, one definition that a friend of mine actually brought to the surface that rang true to me.
The other definition of wait is to “perform the duties of an attendant or a servant of.”
It’s to be a servant to God. But not only that, to our fellow brothers and sisters.

Are we a stumblingblock or a stepping stone for our fellow brothers and sisters? Do we encourage or discourage? The scripture says to “ Let us not judge one another any more.” Are we doing that?
You may be thinking, “Well yes I am. I never talk bad about anybody!” Good. But how is your image reflecting Christ? Our duties to our fellow brothers and sisters are not just about not putting them in a bad light; it’s about not hindering their walk with Christ too.
The importance of this is that while we wait on the Lord, especially for the special someone, we must remember to wait on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ by not being a stumblingblock in their way, and hindering their walk with God.
By being careful of the image you portray, including dressing modest and guarding your heart from emotional promiscuity, you will become a stepping stone instead! Doesn’t that sound a lot more pleasant?

We cannot find peace and joy on our own terms. It will be unfulfilling if we tried. I know, I’ve tried! But it helps to know that the Lord is not surprised by our actions. Instead, Jesus provides a solution. I pray that we all will be a part of the solution, a not a stumblingblock.

Reflection of Truth: Don’t Be a Copy

“ I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

How often do you look in the mirror and criticize the reflection? On an average, I truly believe most people do that everyday. But answer this: If Jesus was the reflection, would you criticize it?
We are made in the Lord’s image; His likeness.

Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them.”

Every single person was made special and born with gifts to help the kingdom. How would you feel if you created something, and someone criticized it? I’ve had that happen. In art class, it’s called critiquing, which is actually positive criticizing. But there were times it felt negative because I had created something personal, and that connection was strong only to the creator.
What if that person picked at every small detail, maybe even thinking of it as not being good enough? Well, how good is enough? Where does the line stop?

Genesis 1:31 says, “ And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold it was very good.”

If we really believe in our King’s wisdom and love, then we should also accept and appreciate all He has created, including ourselves. Loving who we are inside and out means loving the Lord too. After all, if we have His spirit inside of us, living, isn’t that something to appreciate?
Now, I am not suggesting we love our sin. I am not saying we need to accept those things that hinder our walk with God. I am saying, however, we need to accept our physical attributes as well as the skills and abilities we have been equipped with that God has assigned to our character. We are all different, and God has a special purpose for us individually.
It wasn’t in God’s plan to create vain children. What good is a soul if it’s seeking acceptance within temporal guidelines? It will be difficult for Him to use you if you keep looking at everything or everyone else, but Him! This world is a vain and materialistic world, and it’s just too easy for His people to fall into it’s lies and deceits. When we question why we don’t look like someone else, we are ignoring God’s true value and being very unappreciative of the Lord’s work.
He didn’t make us in a magazine’s image! He didn’t make us in a celebrity’s image! We are not a carbon copy of Vogue, or a cookie cutter Victoria Secret model! No, we are much more than that!
It was God’s image alone! We are beautiful because we are made in His likeness, and Jesus is beautiful.
When God reveals to us to our hearts who He really is, we begin to see the Lord’s invisible realities. Key word is “REALities” There are many ways the Lord reveals Himself to His creation. The main and most important way is through His word; the Bible.

Ephesians 4: 4-7 says, “There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.”

The next time you see your reflection, I hope your will be happier because everything you see was made by God’s hands, using Himself as a model. Not like the models that we know. Better than that!

“O Jerusalem, wash thine heart from wickedness, that thou mayest be saved. How long shall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee?” Jeremiah 4:14

Everything in our character was the work of Jesus, and we may not be happy with any of it. But He didn’t create us to obsess over that, or even question it. And He definitely didn’t create us to obsess over other people’s features, appearances or skills! Accepting ourselves as a whole goes hand in hand when we accept Jesus.
There is only one God and only one of you! Don’t try to be a copy. When your wishing to look like someone else, think about how someone may be thinking that same way about you! I know for me, I’d rather them see the beauty the Lord has done for me and His work in me, then having them see and notice the old me.

We should be thankful and happy that the Lord Jesus Christ loves us so much, He is willing to put His attributes inside of us, so that the rest of the world may see Him.

“If we have sown unto you spiritual things, is it a great thing if we shall reap your carnal things? If others be partakers of this power; but suffer all things, lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ. Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? And they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar? Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.”
I Corinthians 11:14

Thanksgiving, Every Day!

"For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving." I Tim. 4:3

In just a couple of days, we will be gathered around a table with loved ones and preparing to feast on a glorious meal.
I just wanted to take a short time to remind myself that thanksgiving should be every day!
God is good all the time, not just one day a year!

I want to thank Him for my beautiful family. They have always been there through everything, and have always encouraged me. For my loving friends. Thank you for accepting me the way that I am! (crazy lol)
Thank the Lord for freedom, truth and honesty. For His grace & mercy. I thank Him for true love, for my husband who has been so much more than a best friend, and so much more than a soul mate. Continue to keep us in your hands, Lord. We praise your name through our marriage.
And lastly, I want to thank Him for saving my soul. For being the living sacrifice for my sins, and allowing my heart to be as white as snow! You are truly a wonderful Father, and I am so thankful I can be the daughter of the King, our Lord Jesus Christ <3 Amen.